There are nightly riots in France and another lawyer in Saddam Hussein's
trial has been gunned down. When I hear that Muslims are rioting in Paris,
and that people are shooting lawyers, I think maybe God does hear my
prayers.

Most of you know the story of Rosa Parks. She was a black
lady who refused to give up her seat to a white man. Thanks to her, black
women like me can sit on buses wherever they want. Whoopee. Now she is dead, and Renee Thomas has stepped up to take her place. I mentioned her earlier last week. Like Rosa Parks, Renee was tired after a long day of work. She just wanted to relax and have sex with fellow Carolina Panthers cheerleader Angela Keathley in a public restroom. Like Rosa Parks, Renee was arrested. That's what happens to pioneers. Let's make sure that Renee's arrest is not in vain. Something needs to be done to protect the rights of hot lesbian cheerleaders to fuck in public bathrooms.

Protests are in the making: I see thousands of cheerleaders in tight white t-shirts marching on Washington. They start to riot. They hurl pom-poms at the police. They make rude formations, and do cheers that are not only mean spirited, but that also show little regard for traditional rhyme schemes and meter. A couple of the girls go at it in the Lincoln Memorial

Then the police have no choice but to turn the fire hoses on them. The cheerleaders scream as their shaky pyramids come crashing down. Their firm young breasts heave under gauzy white t-shirts that are now suddenly translucent. The cold water causes their nipples to stiffen and to reach new heights in rigidity! Some of the cheerleaders remove their soaking
panties in protest. Hopefully, the major news outlets will realize the historical significance of this moment and show it over and over again: ideally in slow motion.

I have a dream, that one day, in the not so distant future; a small child
will look up at me in wild eyed wonder and ask, "Grandma, is it true there
was a time when cheerleaders were not allowed to have sex in public
restrooms?" I'll just laugh and say, "Yes, but that was a long time ago."
He'll smile as a wave of relief washes over him. Then I'll tell him he was
adopted and he'll cry like a little bitch. Speaking of which:

Dear Dr. Luther,
I too had a dream. In my dream, I went outside to my pool and found some children swimming in it. But they turned out to be sharks. Sharks with braces. So you are not fucking special.

Sincerely,
Justin D. Ross


I'm going to finish this with a letter my friend from the cruise recieved anonymously after wearing a shirt saying "Arrest Black Babies, before they become criminals". This is the letter.


i think it is wrong to just surpose that all blacks will become crimanls.
there are also white crimanls then if u locked up whites our world would be
nothing. a lot of blacks and whites are close and some even family. so i
think that it was just wrong to think of this. so i think they should never
had proght it up.

Sincerenly,
annimus

I feel I ought to respond:

Dear Miss,
This may be the most profound statement on race
relations since Ebony and Ivory. You
should get to work right away on solving world hunger, and figuring out why
Larry King is still on the air. I hate sarcasm so, seriously, you're an idiot. Did you
know that shotguns taste like candy canes? Put the barrel in your mouth and
pull the trigger for an extra blast of minty goodness!

Love,
Justin D. Ross

It would suck for a deaf man if the bathroom fan was broken because he wouldn't know it until it was too late and the room smelled of retchid feces.